Invictus
by Wibbly Wobbly Weirdo
Summary: As he prepares to face Spock, Jim spends a few moments to himself on Delta Vega. The memories of everything leading to this fly through his mind. Based on the poem Invictus by William Henley.


**Author's notes at the bottom.**

**Star Trek - Gene Roddenberry/ Paramount**

**Invictus- by Willium E. Henley**

_Out of the night that covers me_

_Black as the Pit from pole to pole_

James Tiberius Kirk pulled the thick coat he was wearing tighter around his face as the harsh winds of Delta Vega whipped around him. Being outside was admittedly not the most logical (god how he hated to even THINK that word) action, but Jim needed to be alone with his thoughts. Of course there could have been other places inside the abandoned Starfleet outpost, but Jim always had to do things the hard way. Bones could vouch for that eagerly.

Now, in the few moments before he would have to go onboard the very starship he was evicted from and face a man he was almost one hundred percent sure hated him, the un-shakable James T. Kirk was afraid. He was sinking into hole of doubt and uncertainty.

_I thank whatever gods may be_

_for my unconquerable soul_

Jim gave a small laugh. It was humorless and dry, but he couldn't help it. Memories of all the years he had lived up to this point drifted through his mind like a slow merry-go-round. The first was of his mother leaving to go to some other planet for the first time since he'd been born, a sad look in her eyes as she kissed his forhead, wipped his teary face, and promissed to be home soon. It was bearable, but it still hurt. The next came with the strong smell of alchohol and the sound of a slamming door. The image of a tall shadow blocking the light that shined through slights in a closet door and the screech of a child in pain. Kirk violently shook his head, forcing the memory away and begging the next one to be a mental balm for his still healing wounds. Thankfully it was. Though a little blurry, and upside down, the image of Christopher Pike was calming. His commanding voice and unwavering gaze as he told Jim to join Starfleet and challenged him lifted Jim conciderably from his previous depressive state.

Of course the next one was of Bones viciously describing the many ways of dieing in space. The laugh that escaped Jim's lips this time was full of foundness. He briefly wondered how long Bones had yelled at Spock when he was marooned on this god forsaken planet and to what extent before he was threatened with being charged with mutiny as well. He was a true friend, even if he was alittle hypo-happy.

_In the fell clutch of circumstance_

_I have not winced nor cried aloud_

The next image to pass through Jim's mind was of a figure slightly blurred by the glass of the observation rooms of the Kobayashi Maru testing room. The stoic face was unable to hide it's surprise and confusion behind it's mask of indifference like it usually did. The shocked face of the famously un-shock-able Commander Spock caused a strange feeling of triumph to spread through Jim, distracting him from the harsh elements he was standing in.

The scene quickly switched to his trial. Spock's face was once again impassive, but his words were sent with malice. The Vulcan was trying to get him to crack. He wanted Jim to bow to his superior logic, to see him admit to his wrongings and slip back into his place. But of course, Jim never did anything the easy, or logical, way.

_Under the bludgeonings of chance_

_my head is bloody but unbowed_

A ghost pain of a hypo accompanied Jim's next memory. The whirling of colours and the churning of his stomach as Bones dragged him onto the shuttlecraft in yet another strangely warpped act of friendship. McCoy never was the most subtle person, often being quite outspoken and quick to make his opinion known.

Jim smiles to himself and allows his mind to silently praise whatever higher beings there are that he was lucky enough to meet Leonard McCoy. With out him , Kirk may as well have been a deadbeat starfleet drop-out whose hobby would be getting into bar fights every week and sleeping with girls of whom he had no knowledge of their names.

Yep, Bones was definatly an angel. A hypo-happy, brash, and southern mannered angel, but an angel none the less. With that to fuel his thoughts, Jim felt once again as though nothing could touch him.

_Beyond this place of wrath and tears_

_looms but the horror of the shade_

The sound of the heavy metal door opening behind him made Jim pull out of his thoughts as he turned around. "I apologise if I disturbed your meditation, Jim. But it would be unwise to delay your return to the Enterprise any further." The raspy, yet warming voice of Spock Prime, as Jim came to call him, did not fill Jim with the anger he had felt earlier toward the man's younger counterpart.

However, it did bring him back to reality and the current situation that Kirk was about to put himself into.

He had thought hard about a way to make Spock show just how emotionally compromised he was, and he was not at all thrilled with the solution he had come up with. No matter how much he disliked Spock, the task ahead would be brutal for the both of them in a way that Jim hated to have to do.

_And yet the menace of the years_

_finds and shall find me unafraid_

Jim pushed back all of his doubt and nodded to the older man as he followed him back into the outpost. " I've thought about what you said...about the other you being emotionally compromised, and I've thought of a solution. However, i'm not happy with it and I don't think you would be either."

Spock Prime shook his head, a small frown on his face as they walked side-by-side towards where was waiting. "You do not need to tell me Jim. I am aware that it must be painful in order for the younger me to show his emotions. But you must remember this..." He stopped a few feet from the shuttlecraft and turned to Jim. "What is neccisary, is never unwise."

Scotty leaned his head out of the opening of the shuttlecraft. "Oi! Are we gonna get a move on or not? I cannae guarantee this power supply will last very long."

Jim tore his gaze from Spock Prime and shouted to the scotsman. "We'll be right there Scotty." As he turned back to the Vulcan, his eyes danced with a renewed sense of immortality.

_It matters not how straight the gate_

_how charged with punishment the scroll_

"You're comming with us, right?" Jim's confusion was evident in his voice as he looked at the man in non-understanding. Spock Prime sighed sadly as he turned to meet Jim's gaze. " No, Jim. That is not my destiny. You alone must take command of your ship, and you alone must stop Nero. " Jim opened his mouth to argue, but the slightly pleading look from the Vulcan caused the words to die in his throat. He hesitantly nodded and stepped back onto the transporter pad, his eyes never leaving the man who claimed to be his friend.

The transporter hummed to life and Spock Prime once again faced the men as the feeling of his body being pulled to another place began to encase Jim. He raised his hand in the familiar Vulcan gesture and bid them farwell. "Live long and prosper, James T. Kirk."

And in that moment, that split second before his sight was taken from him and the feeling of trans-warp beeming replaced all thought and sense, James Tiberius Kirk understood everything.

_I am the master of my fate_

_I am the captain of my soul._

**Whoo that was awesome! I actually really enjoyed writing this. Invictus is actually my all-time favorite poem ever. I'd had this idea in my head for a while and I REALLY wanted to write it, but I actually had no clue how to start. This was actually a combination of about three hours of writing/watching the movie/writing/watching the movie/writing and so on and so forth. I basically set this right before Kirk and Scotty beem onboard the Enterprise from Delta Vega. I've never written Star Trek before so I hope it was good! Leave a review if you like, and favorites are always welcome! Later trekkies!**


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